This game literally takes the saying you’ll date anything to heart.

If Blind Date was set in your home, it’d be, your pair of magical specs and a romantic evening in with…your table. Or your bed. Fireplace? Piano? Window? Curtains? Yeah…in this game, you really can date anything.

There’s 100 … uh … folks to romance, in fact. Or should I say dateable. Each with their own distinct personality, voice acting, persona and each has their own quirk you have to figure out if you want to date them. It’s kind of genius.

Some you have to visit a certain time of day. Some you’ll need to be proficient at a certain trait or you can only make aquaintences with them through someone else.

The thing I immediately liked about the game as well is that there are certain characters you’ll meet that you’re just not going to vibe with. They’re not going to be date material and so just like in the real world, you’re able to rule them out pretty early on and probably never converse with them again.

That’s just as well as you can only chat to five dateables a day and some of those slots are likely going to be taken up with the characters you’re taken with. You don’t have time to chat to everyone all the time, and the whole point of the game is you are unlikely to meet everyone in one playthrough and some you won’t speak to more than once.

Oh, and if you were worried about staying loyal, don’t worry. Some appliances are happy to share. At least, they say they are.

But let’s rewind a bit, because you’re probably wondering, how on Earth you can chat up a table and take your smoke alarm on a breakfast date.

The game begins with you losing your job. Yeah, really. A job in remote customer services where you try to improve your star rating by solving people’s problems. Sadly, you’re not very good at it, often deferring your problems to your manager or just giving compensation.

Sadly, you’re part of a wave of redundancies and let go basically the same day you start. You have a supporting friend at least, but it’s the enigmatic other contact in your list that is most interesting.

They tell you about a package that arrives at your door and supplies you with a set of Dateviator sunglasses. Without them, you’re just walking around your house as normal, rattling doors, making coffee, watching TV. But put the glasses on, and suddenly you’re flirting with your washing machine.

The game has a great sense of humor – and lots of puns. It’s extremely camp, like Love Island on steroids, and its actually a surprisingly enjoyable game as you try to find new dateables, figure out who’s voicing them, and most importantly, whether they might be a match for you.

But behind all the flirting and romping, there’s also a story unravelling underneath around the Dateviators you’re wearing and how you got them. And why.

The game does start to feel a bit limited after a while, with some dialogue really stretching on and becoming a little tedious to cycle through, with no real differences between how you approach conversations save for the branching dialogue. And the perk and level up system is a little bit confusing – and at times, feels a tad pointless.

There is also some performance issues with the game stuttering quite often as you move around and occasionally crashing unexpectedly. But for the most part, Date Everything is a really fun visual novel, walk and date sim that has humor and style for days and is a nice change of pace from the average game on your list.

Verdict

Date Everything is a funny, mostly well-written, date sim that really manages to present you 100 different characters in unique ways. You’ll want to meet them all, each expertly voice acted, and learn more about the wacky narrative, though will find not every character is as interesting as others and some narrative beats are a bit inconsistent. Well worth a play!