Format – iOS (iPhone)
I’m also left with no option but to mention that the game company’s logo is a pug wearing an Iron Helmet out of Skyrim. 10/10. 5 Stars. A+. Logo of the Year.
You tap the screen to jump, and I am very pleased to say this works flawlessly. Tap anywhere on the screen and your blob (or whatever that dot is supposed to be) jumps – solid work on that mechanic. However, you need to slide either up or down to “Shift” between the 3 levels; this being the key selling point of the game compared to others in the genre.
Here’s the problem: it doesn’t bloody work! If you try and slide with your right thumb, the blob doesn’t shift – it merely jumps again, usually into death. This is horrendous, how difficult can it be to get right? 50% of the title of the game doesn’t function. It’s not like the control screen (yes, this game has a control screen) helps in any way.
This is not how to make a fast-paced, purposefully difficult, mobile game! Even more frustratingly, there are two totally un-labelled buttons right next to each on the bottom right of the screen (where my predominate, right thumb resides). One starts you back at your last checkpoint, the other starts the whole bleeding level again! WHY?! On top of that, the icon on top/nearest to the middle of the screen is the start over level button, meaning it’s the most likely one I’ll hit as that’s where my thumb is while holding the iPhone and I was only tapping there milliseconds beforehand hoping to jump, not restart the whole god damn level again!
Is the music at least decent? No. In fact; fuck no. This music is awful. For the first two difficulty settings, it’s akin to using a Q-Tip made of sandpaper… underwater. One track even uses scrambled white noise as a sample. I thought my headphone jack had slipped out. Nope! Just sound garbled on purpose.
Even more irritating is that the music is totally unconnected to what’s happening on screen. It’s not connected to the gameplay at all, which makes it all the more horrendous. There appears to be a certain pool of “songs” (read: 30-40 second loops) per level, but they’re entirely random. At least as far as I could tell. Sometimes the same mundane track would loop 2 or 3 times on the same level. It even politely pauses the music every time you die so you don’t miss a single beat. This wouldn’t be such an issue were the game’s main purpose not to repeat the same levels over and over due to death/high score lust.
Alright. Alright. I’m done. My opinion on the game/gameplay is pretty much summarised there. The game is at least technically competent… Assuming you thought Battlefield 4 was history’s more technically perfect launch.
Some errors even appear to be design decisions which is even more baffling to the mind. The clear example being on the menu. You appear to be able to select levels on the right (and difficulties on the left) but the right menu only lets you select between levels 1-1, between levels 2-2, and 3-5… WHY?! Why not 1-2, 3-4, and 5? What’s the logic here?
Areas for Improvement
- Fix the above mentioned bugs. At time of publication these issues were all present and accounted for.
- Change the death screen so a single tap anywhere will restart the player from the previous checkpoint.
- Make it so swiping anywhere on the screen shifts.
Technical Competency – 2.5/10
Graphic/Sound Quality – 3/10
Network Stability – N/A
Overall – 3/10