DOTA 2: Like a Noob – Part 2

I’m like a new man. After weeks in the metaphorical gymnasium of DotA2  I’ve mastered the middle lane, last hitting has become second nature and I know how to deny – although I’m still crap at it. A big leap, i’m sure you’ll agree, from my first foray into the game

I’ve battled all the bots the training zone has to offer and slowly, inexorably I have become… not as bad as I used to be. Many people say that the tutorials can only take you so far, though. They also say in order to master the game you must test yourself against real people, the best and brightest the game has to offer. On May 22nd 2014, I finally said “I am ready”. That’s right, my friends and fellow roman numerals, May 22nd 2014 was a day that will live forever in the hearts of all true Defence of the Ancients 2 fans.*

*possible fact.

DoTA2 - End of the Line

It is a contest of wills and wits, strength and courage, reflexes and strategy. Shards of the Mad Moon glow bright in a shattered sky, while below battle lines are drawn. Somewhere in the distance, the great horn sounds. The steel clangs. And so it begins.

The nerves started as DotA2 searched for a game suitable for PictoPirate, epic noob.

‘Please Flying Spaghetti Monster’ I thought to myself. ‘Let me get a hero I’ve played with before, otherwise I’m doomed.‘ A horn sounded. I had found a game.

The character selection screen popped up and sat in front of me, as if deposited by his noodly appendage, was…


Bring. It. On.

That’s right, baby, Juggernaut! I think I actually whopped out loud when I saw him – much to my chagrin and the disappointment of my housemate. The battlefield appeared, the nerves went AWOL and battle commenced.

The struggle lasted 33 minutes and 51 seconds in total, but it felt paradoxically like a lifetime, and also like no time at all. For the first 5 minutes I defended the bottom tower, leveling up and keeping my head out of the noose (on one occasion by a mere 30hp). It was a close run thing, and while my tower stood unmolested I heard the ominous cry of “your middle tower is under attack” more than once. So I made the decision to leave the bottom tower to the friendly Death Prophet and to head up and help out the Viper in the middle.

We made a formidable pairing and slowly ground down resistance from the enemy. Once I had my Omnislash ability, I became a bigger threat. I’d jump in and chop enemies up, taking the majority of their heath before my Viper buddy swooped in, slowing and attacking. The Dire heroes started to fall and the game swung in our favour.

It wasn’t long until we had their base at our mercy. All our heroes were high level and the slaughter began.

Then I was stupid. I took my eye off the ball for a second, looking in the store for my next purchase whilst in enemy territory. Before I knew what was happening, the ground opened up and I was pwned by the Sand King. It made little effect on the battle, but it was a sharp lesson for me, always pay attention. Time seemed to freeze as I waited to get back in play. Once I did, I just had time to get my revenge on the Sand King with an Omnislash and Blade Fury combo before the Ancient fell and we were crowned the victors.

PP Does DoTA2

My first stats from a competitive online game. Feeling proud.

Four kills and seven assists with only one death. Not bad stats for a noob, methinks. I might still have a lot to learn, but on this occasion I emerged victorious, and was smiling the whole night through. Looking back, it was, by far, my best DOTA 2 performance, but I’m still some way below the skills of my teammates. I’ll be back, though. Now i’ve got my first taste of the online arena, it is going to be very hard not to get hooked…

PictoPirate will be continuing his DotA2 journey and coming back with regular updates. Feel free to get in touch if you’d like to teach him a lesson, you might even be immortalized on Expansive…

About the author


PictoPirate hails from the grim north and is only down south temporarily while he waits to win the lottery. He likes to play games and then write about them on his website and others if they will let him. Also he likes badgers, don't ask...
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